There's something really sinister and fishy happening to both of my hands.
I swear someone has put a curse on it.
Because, they are no longer coordinating as well as the usual.
Okay, before you start getting ?___? about wth i'm trying to say, I'm actually having a pretty big trouble preparing for my piano exam come September this year. I must say I'm really pretty damn stressed. First time, if ever. I never sweat about piano exams before, not because I'm confident, but because I never gave a big damn out of it, and I would get freaking nervous about it and regretting why I didn't practise as much as I needed when I was sitting outside the exam studio, and I will end up (surprisingly) passing the exams. Hmmm.
But this time round, I can feel it's different. I have a very, very bad feeling about this exam this time round. I rarely blog about my piano life, because I dislike it. I like playing the piano, I like the feeling about playing a piece you personally like yourself, and expressing it to your own liking. But I know I have no extraordinary talent. I'm those, who have to work harder than others in this musical aspect so that I can pass. PASS.
Okay anyway, since I'm working in the weekdays now, so practically my whole day is gone when I got off work. But this time round, I feel so unprepared that I insist on practising at least an hour after work no matter how late it was. Every night without fail.
This undying diligence even surprised my family members.
I think they sensed something is wrong. Recently I just confided to my brother about the stress of the upcoming exams I'm going through. I don't know whether he really got it, but I must say if I don't pass the exam this time round, I don't think I can forgive myself, But yet... the syllabus suddenly seems too advanced for me, suddenly I can't catch whatever my teacher wants me to do, I feel my fingers jumbling up and entangled whenever I play. I feel so SIAN can.
My mum had so much hope on me completing this, she even wished for me to get to diploma level. DIPLOMA. Gosh. That's like, going polytechnic and getting something equivalent. But I would rather do physics my whole life than torture myself getting a diploma LOL
Because I know myself the best. Once again I stress, I'm just an ordinary music student. I'm no musical prodigy.
Stop stereotyping about all pianists being able to perform in front of people whenever they like, and they can play whatever is presented in front of them. Because in fact, only a minority can do that.
I dislike the fact that people assume I'm an expert when they knew which grade I am in currently. HELLO? Grade doesn't equal to skill. Though it takes pretty much to get to grade 8 as well (you have to pass a freaking total of 7 practical exams and 5 theory exams to get to this stupid grade), that I agree because I suffered a lot to get to this grade xD but I hereby declare that again, I'm no musical talent.
I feel that my low self-esteem for my piano is caused early in my piano life, when my brothers dissed me about the frequency of my tripped playing. From then on, I never had the courage to perform to anyone anymore.
When I practise, I insist that no one's to be entering my room. I even shut the door. My family never had the chance to watch me 'officially' perform. Let's just say it's because of them that this happens. Because it wasn't only my brothers who teased me previously.
I'm not pushing the blame. It's 100% true.
Anyway, I digress too much. I swear that my fingers are cramping up due to the vigorus practising these days because my fingers aren't accustomed to so much movements in so few days. I'm feeling a little low in morale for this preparation for exams. Thus, I ramble so much in this post.
My first post about my piano life and see how negative it is LOL. Not exaggerated at all... I just typed whatever I had been yearning to pour out for years that's all.
By the way, I had finally started practising on 'To Zanarkand'. After 5 years of delay HAHA.
Shuf
Created at 2:34 PM
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SF, 19 *sigh*
thinks search engines are more of a nuisance than help
is a fangirl of FFVII, FFXIII Versus
can be really crazy beyond hope if she feels restless
thinks she has no musical talent, but plays the piano anyway.
Loves
to slack around. I love rotting at home than going out the whole day shopping. and i'm serious.
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